


Crowley and Aziraphale Save The World

by afrai



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Banter, Fake Marriage, M/M, Same-Sex Marriage, The inevitability of evil hipster Crowley, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:58:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4814099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afrai/pseuds/afrai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley and Aziraphale have to get married for Reasons. A wedding gift in memory of CrowleysAngels, LJ fandom and some good old eschatological times.</p><p>
  <em>"I am not standing up at the altar with a man in jeans and a novelty T-shirt."</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crowley and Aziraphale Save The World

"Remind me," said Aziraphale, "why are we doing this again?"

After the turn of the millennium, Crowley had dispensed with formal wear. For the past decade or so his style had hovered between "gentrifying hipster" and "smug tech mogul". He'd managed to reconcile Aziraphale to the Converse ("it's _cool_ , nobody wears smart shoes to their own wedding anymore") but Aziraphale had insisted on the suit:

"I am not standing up at the altar with a man in jeans and a novelty T-shirt." He'd cast Crowley's T-shirt a look of contempt.

"It says, 'Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies' in binary," Crowley had said, with dignity. "You should see its effect at tech conferences. I have to beat off start-up gurus and Californian millionaires with a stick."

Aziraphale had settled begrudgingly for black tie, but it had been a while since Crowley had knotted a tie. He was glaring at himself in the mirror, trying to achieve a decent knot, and Aziraphale had to repeat his question before Crowley answered.

"You were there," said Crowley irritably. "You heard the new prophecy. Remember? Union of good and evil necessary to avert the destruction of the Earth?"

"I thought we'd done that already."

"Well, apparently it's time for a reprise," said Crowley. "Adam's worried and you know he doesn't get worried easily. Do _you_ want to go out and tell him you've got cold feet?"

They were having a small civil ceremony with friends, since Crowley had flatly refused to enter a church. Crowley hadn't thought of himself as having any friends – unless Aziraphale counted – but Adam Young disagreed. The entire population of Lower Tadfield was already waiting at the town hall. They weren't entirely sure how they'd got there, or whose wedding they were about to celebrate, but they _were_ ready to have a good time. 

"It's just that I'm not sure it's the right reason to get married."

"You don't think preventing the end of the world – _again_ – is a good enough reason?"

"That's not the purpose of marriage, though, is it?" said Aziraphale reasonably. "It's, you know, to enable mortals to be fruitful and multiply. We're not about to do that, are we?"

"So that's what this is about," said Crowley, whose tie was only growing more intransigent the longer he struggled with it. "You're worried about the sanctity of marriage! I've got to say, Aziraphale, I knew your lot are against this sort of thing, but I expected better of – "

"We never said that!" said Aziraphale. "This is why you fell, Crowley. You weren't listening. _He_ never said a word against gay marriage. In fact He never really talked that much about marriage, compared to other things. It wasn't one of His main interests."

"Oh yes? What did G – " Crowley swallowed – "what did God talk about, then?"

"Well," said Aziraphale, "it was all terribly complicated. Difficult to explain. Too sublime, you know. You might even call it ineffable. Far beyond mortal comprehension, or even ours … I remember there was a lot about mathematics. Very keen on mathematics, the Lord."

"You weren't listening either, were you?"

"It would have helped if He'd had a blackboard," said Aziraphale reflectively. He reached out absently and fixed Crowley's tie. "There. Now doesn't that look better than a polo shirt?"

"I'm just changing with the times," said Crowley. 

He did look good. So did Aziraphale, he noticed, though he wasn't about to say so.

"Won't the children be terribly disappointed to find out it's a fake marriage?" said Aziraphale, who had yet to be convinced that the Them were really adults, despite their jobs, facial hair, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, babies and mortgages. "Adam was so pleased when you announced our engagement."

"Why should they find out?" said Crowley. "It's not like we're going to break up."

"Aren't we?" But the realisation dawned upon Aziraphale just as Crowley said:

"Don't tell me God didn't mind divorce either?"

"When I agreed to your proposal I thought it was only going to be temporary," Aziraphale protested.

"But what difference does it make?" said Crowley patiently. "Everyone already thinks we're married. Why do you think hotels always either kick us out or give us a double bedroom?"

"Oh, is that why they do it?" said Aziraphale. He reflected. "It certainly saves on expense."

"Right," said Crowley. "We'll be able to exploit all kinds of clever tax dodges now, too."

Aziraphale drew himself up. "I would never – !"

"Come on, angel," said Crowley, grinning. "Let's go save the world again."

_The Beginning_

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations, Katy and Amy! <3 <3 <3


End file.
